S is for Surprise

If there are an infinite number of parallel universes with infinite versions of me, I can guarantee two things: not a single “parallel universe Tawn” would ever consider herself a morning person and each and every one of me hates surprises. I know this to be true because mornings and surprises are like anti-matter to […]

R is for Resistance

It seems to me that on each of the countless occasions that the Federation has wiped the walls with the Borg (fine, maybe “just barely eked out a slight advantage to prevail at the last possible millisecond” is a little more accurate), that they would have figured out that resistance is definitely NOT futile. I […]

Q is for Questionable

As a young student, I remember hearing “there is no such thing as a stupid question” stated firmly and repeatedly throughout my education. Occasionally, some smartass in the back of the class would add the prerequisite “only stupid people” to the end of that beloved idiom, but sometimes you just have to go with it […]

P is for Persephone

In Greek mythology, Persephone was the daughter of the mother goddess Demeter who was abducted by Hades, the god of the underworld. While being held in the underworld, she eats a pomegranate seed and is subsequently doomed to remain in the underworld for eternity until Demeter successfully argued that since only part of the pomegranate […]

N is for Nothing

I cannot comprehend how my mother managed to inflict the “Mother’s Curse” upon me without possessing a magic lamp inhabited by a genie or being a descendant of Romanian gypsies, but she did. My children are just like me. The boy is creative, disorganized and easily frustrated. The girl is friendly, caring and absurdly stubborn. […]

M is for Morning

Oh, Morning, why do you torment me so? How have I offended you to deserve the symphony of barking dogs, chattering squirrels and shrieking birds delivered to me in stereo with the volume set to 11? What social snub have I offered that would require a bathroom tile floor so cold that penguins roosting on […]

L is for Lightning

Even as a child, I loved thunderstorms. I am completely enamored with everything about thunderstorms: the pelting sound of the rain punctuated by the growls of thunder, the beauty of the dark anvil lit in pinks and oranges by the setting sun, and the sudden illumination of lightning. However, at least once in my life, […]

K is for Kinky

I know that my husband doesn’t have a mistress. I know this because not only is he my soul-mate (and I’m not just saying that to deter my stalkers – my new Taser takes care of that), but he doesn’t make enough money to afford me, let alone another woman. And as if that isn’t […]